A PARODY OF DR. JADA WATSON’S “RESEARCH” TO HELP YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND

A PARODY OF DR. JADA WATSON’S “RESEARCH” TO HELP YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND

MY STUDY IS CALLED… “A CAREFUL AND THOUGHTFUL LOOK AT THE BIAS AGAINST BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM BY THE ICE CREAM MANUFACTURERS”

THEN IMAGINE YEARS OF GRAPHS THAT LOOK LIKE THIS:

CONSUMPTION OF ICE CREAM FLAVORS

AND FOR THE SAKE OF SAVING DIGITAL SPACE LET’S STIPULATE THAT IT’S BEEN THIS WAY FOR 53 YEARS 4 MOS AND 6 DAYS.  YEAR AFTER YEAR BLUEBERRY COMES IN AT PLUS OR MINUS .02 OF 1%.  CLEAR AND STEADY PROOF OF THE BIAS BY THE ICE CREAM MANUFACTURERS AGAINST THE BLUEBERRY GROWERS OF AMERICA.  COLLATERALLY THERE HAS BEEN SIGNIFICANT BIAS AGAINST THE NEW JERSEY AND CALIFORNIA FRUIT GROWER ASSOCIATIONS.

ALSO OF SIGNIFICANT NOTE IS THE STRONG EXPENDITURES BY THE COCOA POWDER LOBBY IN WASHINGTON. ALSO THE VANILLA ACT OF 1981 WHICH MANDATED THAT VANILLA ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE BY ANY SHOP OFFERING ICE CREAM FOR SALE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES.

THESE CLEARLY BIASED ACTIONS HAVE DEPRESSED THE CONSUMPTION OF BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM GOING BACK TO THE 1930’S WHEN THIS DATA WAS FIRST RECORDED.

ONE CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE OF THE DAMAGE THIS HAS CAUSED TO THE BLUEBERRY GROWERS TALLYS THE LOSS OF ACRES FARMED IN BLUEBERRYS HAS ATROPHIED OVER 35%.  THE USDA ALSO CONSERVATIVLY ESTIMATES THAT 75,000 FAMILES HAVE HAD TO SELL FAMILY FARMS DUE TO THE BIAS AGAINST BLUEBERRY GROWERS IN THIS ANTI BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM CABAL.

WHY QUITE FRANKLY IT’S NOT A STRETCH TO IMAGINE SUICIDES AND EARLY DEATH RATES AMONG BLUEBERRY FARMERS HAVING SPIKED AS THE RESULT OF THE COORDINATED EFFORTS OF THE PURVEYORS OF CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA ICE CREAM.

IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO STRATIFY THE DATA TO SHOW HOW CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA ICE CREAM MANUFACTURES EFFORTS HAVE EVEN PREVENTED THE BLENDED FLAVORS OF BLUEBERRY WITH CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.  HOWEVER, WE CAN SAY CLEARLY THAT THESE EFFORTS HAVE MARGINALIZED THE BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM CONSUMPTION IN INSIPID WAYS.

THIS WOULD BE A PICTURE WITH A SINGLE MESSAGE OF BIAS IF PEOPLE ONLY ATE ICE CREAM ONCE A YEAR. HOWEVER, SINCE THE AVERAGE PERSON VISITS AN ICE CREAM PARLOR 13.47 TIMES A YEAR, CONSIDER THAT ONCE A MONTH AND POSSIBLY FOR A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION PERHAPS, THIS HORRIFIC BIAS IS SIMPLY MAGNIFIED AND COMPOUNDED BY EACH CALENDAR PAGE.

COMBINE THE BIAS OF ‘WHAT’S OFFERED” AT ICE CREAM PARLORS WITH THIS REPEAT VISIT METRIC AND YOU HAVE A CYCLE THAT SIMPLY REINFORCES THE REGULAR CONSUMPTION OF CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.  WE WILL NOTE SIMPLY LATER THAT EVEN IF BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM WAS STOCKED AT A HIGHER LEVEL AND MADE AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE THE CONSUMPTION OF BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM WOULD NATUALLY RISE.  WE NOW HAVE A CYCLE OF CONSUMERS WHO DON’T SEE WHAT THEY DON’T SEE AND NOW OVERLOOK THE CHOICE.  GOD FORBID WHEN IT’S NOT EVEN PRESENT IN THE GLASS FREEZER TO BE SEEN!

TIME AND BUDGET DIDN’T ALLOW US TO DELVE INTO THE RICH AND ROBUST DATA OF GROCERY STORE PURCHASES OF ICE CREAM.  SUFFICE TO SAY THE SAME RETCHED BIAS THAT THE CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA MANUFACTURERS HAVE PURVEYED VIA ICE CREAM PARLOR CONSUMPTION IS SIMPLY MIRRORED BY GROCERY PURCHASES AND HOME CONSUPTION.  ONCE AGAIN WE REPRISE THE SIMPLE FACT THAT BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM IS NOT AS PREVALENT AND SOMETIMES NOT STOCKED AT ALL BY GROCERS!  THIS IS THE KIND OF BIAS THAT DEVELOPS THE CYCLE OF REPEATED CONSUMPTION OF CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA!

MUCH NEEDED STEPS ARE NEEDED TO CORRECT THIS INJUSTICE TO THE BLUEBERRY GROWERS OF AMERICA!!!!! IT WILL TAKE AN INDUSTRY WIDE ALL-IN SERIES OF EFFORTS.  THEY ARE:

ICE CREAM PARLORS– STOCK MORE BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM.  PARLORS THAT DON’T HAVE BLUEBERRY MUST BEGIN STOCKING AND DISPLAYING IT NOW. THE PLACEMENT OF BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT.  IT CANNOT BE HIDDEN LIKE SOME DENT IN A CAR.  IT MUST HAVE EQUAL DISPLAY TO THAT OF THE CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA ICE CREAMS. PERIOD.

MANUFACTURERS– ICE CREAM MANUFACTURERS SIMPLY NEED TO INCREASE THE GALLONS MANUFACTURED OUTPUT OF BLUEBERRY TO CREATE A FAIRNESS AND EQUITY IN OUTPUT.  THIS IN TURN WILL FORCE THE SHEVLING AND PRESENTATION FOR SALE AND CONSUMPTION OF MORE BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM.  THIS WILL BE A BEGINNING TO BREAK THIS CYCLE AND CULTURE OF ANTI BLUEBERRY BIAS.

PROMOTION– WE NEED TO MAKE JULY NATIONAL BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM MONTH.  LET THIS NOT JUST BE A SINGLE MONTH PROMOTION.  THERE NEEDS TO BE FIVE AND HALF MONTHS OF NATIONWIDE RADIO, TV, BILLBOARDS, FREE SAMPLINGS AND THE LIKE.  AFTER JULY THERE NEEDS TO BE ANOTHER FIVE AND HALF MONTHS HALO OF THE MEMORY OF THE USAGE AND DELIGHTFUL EXPERIENCE CAMPAIGN. ONLY THROUGH A ROBUST CAMPAIGN OF MARKETING CAN BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM CLIMB UP FROM THE YEARS OF NON-STOP BIAS FROM TWO OTHER FLAVORS OF LEGACY PRIVILEGE.

MANAGEMENT AND AGENCIES– TAKE A PAGE FROM THE LEAD OF THE US AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURERS.  WHEN TRUCKS STARTED OUTSELLING SEDANS TWO TO ONE THE AUTO MANUFACTURERS DID NOT STAND ROADSIDE IDLY BY.  INSTEAD THEY SHUT DOWN HALF OF TRUCK MANUFACTURING TO CREATE A SMALLER SUPPLY OF TRUCKS.  THAT EFFORT COMBINED WITH THE ARTIFICIAL FINANCIAL INCENTIVES CREATED BY THE US GOVERNMENT IN THE FORM OF TAX REBATES FOR THE PURCHASE OF SEDANS SLOWLY BEGAN TO CREATE MORE OF THE RIGHTEOUS BALANCE OF TRUCK TO SEDAN PURCHASES.  WHILE WE HAVE NOT ACHIEVED PARITY, GREAT PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE BY THE SEDAN INDUSTRY IN PUSHING BACK ON THIS INGRAINED CULTURAL BIAS.

CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA GROWERS AND LOBBIES  COME ON!  YOU’VE HAD THE LEAD FOR LONG ENOUGH.  PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO PASS LEGISLATION FORCING COCOA AND VANILLA MANFUCTURES TO PURCHASE BLUEBERRY FARMS SO THEY CAN HAVE BLUEBERRY SKIN IN THE GAME.

EATERS AND CONSUMERS – REALIZE THERE IS AN IMPLICATION TO YOUR PURCHASE CHOICE.  DO YOU WANT THE FORECLOSER OF BLUEBERRY FARMS ON YOUR … LIPS? YOU MUST STEP UP AND CUT BACK AND SAY NO TO CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA FROZEN TREATS.  YOU MUST ADD BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM TO AT LEAST A MIX (FAIR MIX PLEASE) OF YOUR ICE CREAM PURCHASES AND CONSUMPTION.

LASTLY

THESE SOLUTIONS ARE NOT HARD, BUT THEY DO REQUIRE SIGNIFICANT CHANGE. THEY REQUIRE PUBLIC COMMITMENTS, ACTION PLANS AND BENCHMARKS FOR ACCOUNTABILITY. THE DECISIONS DRIVING THE INDUSTRY SHOULD REFLECT AND REPRESENT ITS DIVERSE AND GROWING AUDIENCE. THE FUTURE OF ICE CREAM CAN BE ONE OF INCLUSION AND OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL.

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One thought on “A PARODY OF DR. JADA WATSON’S “RESEARCH” TO HELP YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND

  1. Keith Hill Post author

    I just checked Mediabase… Blake Shelton’s God’s Country … iHeart represents 20% of the plays of the song. Tenille Townes – Somebody’s Daughter iHeart represents 80% of the plays on that song. Whoa! iHeart really believes in that record!!!!!

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